Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Hot as Balls

Everyone feels sorry for pregnant ladies during the summer.  What with all the extra weight they're carrying, plus oppressive high temperatures and poor air quality.  I thought of this earlier this evening as I hauled various heavy things around in 32 degree heat, imagining, of course, that I was sharing in their discomfort, in a manner of speaking.

This first crossed my mind as I made my way to the Beer Store to return some empties, which I towed behind me in a wheeled cart, like a hobo.  I should clarify that my thoughts were considerably more hobo-oriented than pregnant lady-oriented at this point.  I didn't go full hobo - it wasn't a grocery cart - but all the same.  I took my net profit of $5.60 and then empty wheeled cart down to the strip for some shopping, and returned home with a cart containing several amazing finds from Value Village, as well as a carton of some of the cheapest wine available at the Wine Store.  Hobo what?

Later on, the Chinese purveyor of my nearest laundromat ran out into traffic to help me with the startling amount of laundry I was carrying.  I told him I was okay, but he insisted.  There was a pregnant lady sitting on the doorstep who looked at me and said "looks like you're carrying quite a load there" as I followed my soiled clothing inside.  Huh.

When I sent Sara a text after to see how she was faring in the heatwave, her response was that indeed it was hot and that my apartment must be stifling, and did I want a window unit air conditioner that she and Chris had to spare.**

I may have to reconsider a number of aspects of my life in light of this evening.  If I can be compared to a hobo, and pregnant ladies are sorry for me both because of the weight of my laundry and because of the heat in my ghetto apartment, I am definitely making some bad choices.

*Hot as balls is an expression I'm fond of, but it makes no sense.  The whole point of dangling testicles is to ensure the lower than regular body temperature required for the production of sperm.

**The twins are still unevenly sized, and Sara is understandably preoccupied by the resulting back pain and the fact that she is being fitted for a specialized pregnancy belt tomorrow, which hopefully will take some of the pressure off.  Also, she has air conditioning.


  1. Copyright infringement!

    And, pregnancy belt? Is that like a championship belt, without the sense of accomplishment?

  2. I scoff at copyright infringements. I laugh in the face of copyright infringements.

    And yes, pregnancy belt. Like pregnancy champion of the world, although there is no specialized training to achieve status. Anyone can do it. But perhaps not with the same style.