Countdown: 13 Days

Not including today, or the day of the births, there are merely 13 days left before the minions are removed and all of our lives change forever. 

Now that her ordeal is drawing to a close, I asked Sara to create a list of the most inappropriate and/or offensive things that have been said to her over the last 8.5ish months, as a record of some of the more annoying moments of the pregnancy.  A list I hope that she will refer to as a method of birth control, the stinging memory of each comment preventing her from turning into one of those women who have vowed never to go through this again, and then after a couple of years have gone by, announce happily to family and friends that she's expecting again.  Her pregnancy has been largely free of fits of hormonal rage, so sadly, everything on her list is understandable rather than random. 

"You're expecting twins, oh my god I'm so sorry." 

"You know your belly is so big right now that I doubt a police officer would issue you a ticket if you were driving without a seat belt."

"Oh, you're having twins, that explains it." - what I don't know.

"Would you like those for here or to go." about the 7 giant cupcakes I ordered from The Second Cup to bring into work for my co-workers on my last day before maternity leave.

"Oh my god Sara, are you lactating already?" comment from a coworker at 8 months about water that I dribbled on my shirt. 

And my favourites:

"You must be so sad that you don't get to experience real, natural child birth."

"Oh, look you're so swollen you have cankles now"

and

"I am a twin too, but my sister died because she was the weak one."

I really thought that "you're slowing up the line, prego" would have made the cut, but I guess not.

As back up birth control, I encourage her to also compile a list offensive things that people say to her in the months following the births, when she is struggling with post partum hormones and sleep deprivation and will likely be very sensitive to perceived criticisms and/or completely redundant remarks.  I imagine that "you must be exhausted" will get annoying really fast.  Here's hoping she is not one of the unfortunate souls whose bellies stay swollen and rounded for a few months and she is repeatedly asked "when are you due?"  Probably effective birth control, though.