If anyone is looking for another reason to prove that I'm functionally retarded, I have two.

First, I have believed since 1984 that Huey Lewis was singing that the Heart of Rock n' Roll is in Cleveland.  This seems logical, since that's where the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame is, and that he goes through the names of many other cities over the course of the song. 

You may question whether I have already expressed both reasons why I am functionally retarded - first, that I've been so wrong for 28 years, and second, that I think it at all important that I have full and accurate knowledge of the lyrics of any of the songs of Huey Lewis and the News.

No, the other reason is this. 

But first, I'll digress.

With the success of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies a few years ago... and the subsequent success of a number of copy cats, I thought to myself, "that seems easy", and wrote the first three chapters of Anne of Green Gables... with Werewolves over the course of a weekend.  It was so easy.  I just substituted any of the community women's organizations as anti-werewolf committees, and Anne Shirley's experience caring for young children as werewolf hunting success.  When she saves Minnie May Barry from choking to death on her own phlegm with what probably should have been a lethal dose of ipecac, instead, she saves her from the jaws of a werewolf, and even though Minnie May had already been bitten, Anne happens to know of a surefire way to counteract the werewolf venom.  (I know that's not in the first three chapters, but I had it all planned out).  And then I just stopped.  While it seemed like it could have been easy to capitalize on a literary fad, I decided that I didn't want to build a writing career by copying someone else.  I could've used a pseudonym, sure, but how long would it be before Wikipedia was letting everyone knew that Korn Nuts Kapow and The Granken were the same person.  No.  I was above that.

Actually, never mind.  I've decided to keep the rest to myself.