Mother's Day/Mimosas

Since mimosas and Mother’s Day go together like me and a carton of Pinot Grigio, Sara suggested I drink them last weekend in celebration of moms everywhere.*  My mind automatically took me to motherhood and drinking, which took me to expectant motherhood and drinking. 

Mimosas in particular reminded me of an acquaintance of mine who I twice overheard whisper to the caterer of her baby shower brunch to bring her another mimosa, please.  I have, in fact, witnessed this acquaintance drinking on 3 different occasions over the course of 2 pregnancies.  Considering I have seen her socially perhaps 6 times – and I’m being generous – within that time frame, that means she was drinking publicly a staggering 50% of the time.  As Sara and I have discussed more than once, if this acquaintance of mine is known to drink a little in public (as secretive as she believes she is being), what might she be doing in private? 

I knew it was only a matter of time before the topic of drinking WHILE knocked up would come up in a blog about pregnancy and drinking.  We all know that drinking sometimes leads to pregnancy, so no need to comment there,  but continuing to drink after one has the positive Clear Blue Easy test in hand?  

I should make it clear that I am not advocating drinking while pregnant in spite of the thought progression of the next few paragraphs. 

I am probably of the last generation before the drinking while pregnant taboo came into effect, and I can't say that I or any of my peers are suffering for it.  Of course, I have no evidence that my mother drank when she was carrying me.  I've never asked.  I probably couldn't trust that she'd be honest anyway, given prevailing attitudes. 

There are also the myriads of women who don’t know that they’re knocked up until the 2^nd or 3^rd month in, continue boozing it up in the meantime, and then go on to have normal and healthy babies. 

I also have from a fairly good authority that there's actually very little risk of fetal alcohol syndrome, even amongst hardcore alcoholics.  The trouble is that no one has yet discovered a pattern.  It strikes without rhyme or reason.  One woman can drink a bottle of wine every day and nothing.  Another can have a couple of glasses on one occasion and FAS baby. 

However, as mentioned, none of this is to suggest that I am advocating drinking while pregnant, or even that I'm ambivalent towards it.  Let’s assume that the risk of damaging your spawn is minimal – an assumption not officially endorsed by any medical professionals that I know of – if there is a risk, however small, why take it?

This is me talking.  And even I say that if you find that you really can't keep your hands out of the liquor cabinet, you should take yourself to the nearest AA meeting.  Perhaps the department of Parks and Rec could offer combination AA meetings and Lamaze classes as a time saver for those special people.

*As a drinking challenge, I failed at mimosas completely.  I was at a wedding, not feeling especially well, and the toasting champagne made me feel worse.  I blame the Catholic ceremony in which I participated in a fit of nostalgia for my Catholic school girl days.  Goddamn communion hosts.  I redeemed myself a little later in the evening with my imbibement of beer and whiskey, but it was only slight redemption.  To save my reputation, let's pretend I poured a little orange juice into the champagne. 

On another note, while I know mimosas to be a delightfully refreshing alcoholic option, I am not big into drinking during the day, still less over breakfast.  One either has to choose between continuing to drink and becoming insensible by 2:00 p.m., or getting a headache when your buzz wears off.  You will never hear me saying "it's 5 o'clock somewhere" unless you happen to go on vacation with me to an all-inclusive resort, where different rules apply.