Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Flowers in the Attic

It's official.  We all knew that the birtle was a boy.  And the other is.... a girl.

I have to admit I'm a little disappointed.  I really wanted a second boy exclusively so I could say that there would be points throughout the next 3 months where Sara had 3 penises inside her, a feat not to be repeated unless (or… until?) she and Chris got into group sex and she learned to relax several different muscles simultaneously and on command.  I guess the two penises inside her probably won’t happen again either, unless they get into threesomes and it turns out that Sara enjoys fingercuffs and/or double penetration (though I’m trying to wrap my mind around the mechanics of DP and I can't).

Oh well.  The girl is definitely the dominant child, being slightly older and much feistier than the boy, so I am solaced by the knowledge that Chris’ life will continue to be ruled by women.

Also, Chris and Sara will be spared the indignity of having people want to have threesomes with their children.  Bi-curious threesomes, maybe, but I imagine those to be somewhat of a rarity.  Certainly not your run-of-the-mill straight guy who dreams of doing it with twin sisters.  What is it about twins that leads people to believe they’d be into incest?  Though in fairness, Sara has already started with Flowers in the Attic jokes in anticipation of the uncomfortably close relationship the twins are likely to share. 

Not to suggest that the twins may or will be into threesomes or incest or anything, but the results of the last ultrasound prove that the children are pervs in the making in any event.  Apparently the boy kept shaking his penis at the technician, and the girl was laying spread-eagle, displaying her fully formed labia for all to see.  Sara thought better than to ask for images of the ultrasound, out of fear that she might be reported to CAS for requesting what could be perceived as sexualized photos of her unborn.

She has probably saved me from criminal investigation also, because had I posted such pictures online, I may have been flagged as a purveyor of in-utero child pornography – a sub-genre I desperately hope does not actually exist.  I imagine guy in basement waiting breathless for a barely discernable image of partially descended testicles.  ....  now very uncomfortable.  Unsay it, unthink it…

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