Myth: Confirmed

In the unlikely event anyone is interested in how I've been spending my time since recent drop in post frequency, the answer is simple.

Well, it comes in a few parts.

But, in the continued theme of complete randomness, first I will discuss something different.

Heatwave 2012 continues.  I don't exactly pride myself on not having air-conditioning.  But I don't have it on purpose*.

First, I didn't grow up with air-conditioning.  There was a horrible heat wave the summer my mom was pregnant with me.  After careful consideration of their financial situation, the speed at which possible solutions could be implemented, and my mother's pregnant-addled input, my parents chose a pool over central air.  Mostly because my mother announced carelessly (and I presume with some pregnancy-fuelled ferocity), "I don't care how you do it.  I want to cool off right now."  My dad is pretty good at things like this, so, with the help of some neighbours to dig the hole, they had a fully functional in-ground pool before a weekend was out.  I would like to say that my mother dove in thankfully, but it's more likely that she stepped in very much hesitantly.  Even now, after many, many years of pool ownership, she can't really swim.  She refuses to let her face underwater, and has developed a strange dog/frog paddle technique of her own, which only marginally staves off drowning.

They stuck to their decision.  I spent my childhood sweaty and uncomfortable on hot summer Chatham nights**.  Which has incidentally resulted in some very fond memories of being dragged out of bed at 3:00 a.m. to go for a swim***.

That was my long-winded way of explaining that it doesn't feel like summer if I'm not a little uncomfortable.

Second, the only time I've had air-conditioning as an adult was during two (three?) years of condo living. I went from my climate-controlled 16th floor unit to my climate-controlled 16th floor office.  I had SAD all year****.

Third, as an environmentalist, I know that air-conditioners suck up energy like nobody's business.  Unless it's literally hot enough that I could overheat and die, I suck it up.  Imagine a climate-changed world where the ice in the Arctic is gone and polar bears go extinct, because I (ironically) wanted to keep cool.

But I digress.

One of the things I've been doing on these hot, sleepless nights is watch old episodes of MythBusters, which I find oddly soothing.  Like Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman***** are singing a sweet lullaby******.  Don't judge me.  I know plenty of people who consider MythBusters good hangover-watching, because they're engaged enough to be distracted, but it has a strange power to bring on a much-needed nap.


I digress.


I have a 1950's kitchen table that I'm quite fond of.  When I bought it, the chrome was in such deplorable condition that I was told by many (who should have known) that it was irrecoverable.  But my heart was set on sky blue formica for a table top, so I bought it anyway.


I don't know why I decided last week to try and shine up the table chrome.  I just did.  After disappointing results with the products suggested by teen-aged Canadian Tire employees, I turned to the internet for help.  I clearly should have done this in the first place.  Coca Cola and tinfoil, as determined by Adam and Jamie back in 2003, has been time-consuming, but surprisingly effective.


Consider the results below.


Table corner, pre-polish:

Table corner, post-polish:

(Ooohh.  Aaaahh.)


Not that I stopped to bother to doubt the MythBusters before, but rest assured, I will not do it again.


Incidentally, the actual episode I recently watched that inspired this post had to do with brandy as delivered by a St. Bernard preventing death by hypothermia.


As Adam and Jamie determined, no.  The alcohol increases blood flow to capillaries in the extremities which reflexively constrict from the cold so as to direct heat to the organs required to survive at the core.  Sudden blood flow to the extremities results in warming in your hands and feet, which, while welcome, draws heat from your core really, really fast.  


The body heat from the St. Bernard helped, though.


But, in the continued theme of alcohol consumption in extreme heat, I wondered whether alcohol reduces your body temp in hot weather as well.  I figured no, capillaries of the extremities would not be constricted in 35 degree heat so there would be no draw on core temperature.  However.  Results:  Inconclusive (but plausible?).  I am not feeling quite as overheated as I did two hours ago, but since I didn't ingest an internal thermometer like Adam and Jamie did, this could be because:

1. it's now practically the middle of the night.  temperatures have gone down in general.
2. I'm getting kind of numb to it.

But I figure:  who cares about the science?  For cold weather drinking - I've experienced paralyzing cold in my hands and feet when inappropriately dressed in extreme cold.  Anything to relieve that kind of intense pain could save your life, in that it gives you the ability/motivation to seek out help.  For warm weather drinking - whatever helps you sleep at night, question mark?******

   

*much to the dismay of my allergist, who insists that I should only ever breathe in a controlled environment because I'm so allergic to everything in the air that it's a wonder I'm even alive.  For serious.  I had skin tests for the first time a couple of years ago and was off the charts allergic to virtually all airbornes (especially cats and horses).  I'm kind of afraid of horses - think of the damage they could do to your face if they suddenly and without warning flick their heads back because a fly has landed on their eyelid.  So no big loss there.  But I digress.  When I sat down with the medical specialist to discuss my test results, she looked down at the notes, then up to my horribly inflamed arm, and then actually into my eyes.  Her first words to me, and this is a direct quote, "how are you even alive?"

(Here's how.  Maybe I have an unworldly ability to adapt, but if I put up with the hay fever and asthma that follows the beginning of each allergy season and/or time away from my cat, I just adapt.  I'm not saying others should be so flexible.  But it works for me).

**I know that Canada is the land of snow and parkas, but in southwestern Ontario in the summer, it's friggin' HOT.  I've mentioned this before, but Chatham is surrounded by lakes and below sea-level.  The humidity rivals that of a tropical rain forest.

***When did City of Toronto stop keeping public pools open all night as cooling stations in the event of heat alerts.  I was really looking forward to a midnight (ahem, 2 a.m.) swim.  Yes, the air-conditioned libraries are open, but who wants to go there?  Most of them don't even have books anymore.

****Some may suggest that I'm torturing myself needlessly, because during my condo experience, there were many other circumstances impacting my mood unrelated to SAD.

*****Sorry Jamie... I can't help but assume that when you were in grade 6 or 7 people called you Jamie Hymen.

******Etymology of word lullaby.  Of course. Lull... Bye.