Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Shotgun

At one point this past weekend, I found myself staring at the side of a perspiring beer can, thinking things over. 

For example, I fell to thinking of the last time I shotgunned a beer.  I could be wrong, but I believe it was well over a year ago.  I must rectify that.  I try to shotgun at least once each year, just to stay in practice. 

We all have things that we want out of life.  I want to be able to shotgun a beer when I'm 75, dazzling all the other residents of my future retirement home. 

Other people want different things out of life, like the safety of their children.  I, of course, don't have any children.  But it brings to mind another topic.

I remember at one point over Christmas, Chris and/or Sara describing to me various ways that other parents are mentally irregular*.  For example, when they pulled their Sexfire into the parking lot of a Toys/Babies R Us.  Their car was the only non-SUV in the lot.  They encountered a huge line up to get into the store.  On the Toys R Us side.  They casually sauntered in through the Babies side, where, as everyone knows, you can also access the Toys side.  They shook their heads, thinking, "Retards!"  Both for the idiocy of standing in line for no reason, and for the gas-guzzling needlessness of the SUV.

I disagree with the existence of sports utility vehicles on principle.  I even feel that before you're allowed to buy one, you should have to offer some sort of proof why you need one.  There's a letter to parliament that I've written, in my head, on the matter.

But, having spent a portion of the last year riding shotgun in a sedan with a child safety seat positioned behind me, I sadly kind of understand the need for the SUV, or other unreasonably large vehicles, for people with kids. 

I'm not going to suggest that safety seats are unnecessary outside of infancy just because I survived just fine with only a lap belt as soon as I could hold my own head up.  That would be akin to my grandfather (rest his soul) saying  (in 1990) that acid rain didn't exist because he'd never seen any.

What I am going to say is that child safety seat laws in Ontario are excessive.  And I have my reasons.  The rule, quoted directly from the Ministry of Transportation website, is this:

Everyone including parents,grandparents, relatives or friends, who drives with a child under the age of 8 who weighs less than 36 kg (80 lb.) and stands less than 145 cm (4 ft. 9 in.) tall is required to ensure the child is properly secured in the appropriate child safety seat or booster seat based on his/her height and weight.

If the part about being exempt past age 8 didn't exist, I'd have to argue that I wouldn't have been allowed out of a safety seat until grade 9.  And I'd have to point out that I currently know of some licenced drivers who just barely pass the height/weight requirement.  They're very petite.  But they exist.  
 
I'm not going to point out that the reasoning behind the regulation, as spelled out by the MTO, is that the seatbelt itself poses hazards for tiny bodies.  If that were all, the age part wouldn't apply.  Would it?
 
I happen to work in an industry where I have first-hand knowledge regarding the efficacy of safety seats.  Believe me, if there was a way to make car travel safer, I'd be all over it.  Seriously.  I've seen pictures that no one ever wants to see**.
 
But the truth of the matter is this:
 
Child safety seats are effective in preventing minor injury in the event of a low-speed collision.
 
Child safety seats are ineffective in preventing injury in the event of a high-speed collision.
 
Children are less likely than adults to sustain serious traumatic injury, and more likely to recover from traumatic injury, because their musculoskeletal systems are still developing.  They're kind of made of rubber.
 
If travelling in a normal sized car, whoever is unlucky enough to be positioned directly in front of the child's seat is accordionned against the dashboard. Knees in chest.  I'm talking about toddlers, not infants.  The child's legs just stick out that far.  Which, regardless of collision speed, poses significant risk of traumatic injury, especially if you're an adult, with bones brittle compared to those of a small child.

Hooray for protecting our children.  But is it reasonable for a mother to suffer a potentially fatal crushed sternum to ensure that her child averts a sprained elbow?

Unless willing to disregard laws regarding privacy protection (which I'm not), I'm not in a position to explain how or why I know this.  I just do.  Anyone who thinks I'm being ridiculous can go fist themselves.


*Thank you, Rocky. I've decided to start using "mentally irregular" in place of "retarded", so as to avoid offending anyone.  But what I mean is retarded.

**For example, never, ever ride a motorcycle.  If you doubt me, try and picture your face on the grill of a truck.  Just your face.  As though it slid off of your skull.  Which is still attached to the rest of your body, 100 metres away.

Sorry if that's a little dark.  I don't like having that image inside my head, either

2 comments: