What's In Your Mom Purse?

I've been fighting off a cold for over a week.  Slightly feverish, achy, dripping nose.  It is not enjoyable. 

You'd think that a person walking around with full coat pockets, a full purse and a full back pack would have at least one Kleenex or napkin at her disposal.  Especially a person who's been fighting off a cold for over a week, in the winter. 

I did not. 

I will explain:  I keep my cell phone and other items that I feel I might need quickly - but am not likely to lose - in my coat (these items go into my purse and/or pants pockets in warm weather).  I keep items that I need quickly - but might lose (wallet, keys) - in my purse.  I use my backpack for my exercise stuff and as a general carry-all:  odds and ends I don't need that often but still like to have on me, anything that doesn't fit in my pockets or purse (because too big or otherwise), shopping purchases, needed supplies*. 

I figure I'm usually carrying around at least the equivalent to a mom-purse (both by volume and by weight), so I was inspired to compare what I have in my assortment of storage compartments to what one may find in your typical mom-purse.  I assumed that a mom-purse would actually contain spare napkins and/or Kleenex - but how else would they differ?

I googled the matter while waiting for Sara to get back to me about what she, herself, carries in her mom-purse. 

I quickly found the website of a mom lamenting the days when she used to choose her purses by colour and by particular need.  Generally a compact number which matched her outfit.  She reported that the bulging mom-purse she now carries contains:  napkins, Wet-Naps, keys, 2 lipsticks, lip balm, wallet, teething ring, small Tupperware container of Cheerios, some random plastic beads, an empty Tic Tac box, a pen from a mutual fund company, travel size hand lotion, emery board, loose change, a measuring tape, baby wipes, cell phone, Ziploc bag full of half-crushed Goldfish crackers, sunglasses, 1 blue plastic spoon, 1 hair elastic, 3 toy cars, extra keys, a parking pass, 3 "girl things", baby lotion, breath mints, gum, travel size hand sanitizer, diapers, 1/2 full sippy cup, 1/2 full water bottle, camera, 1 empty Ziploc bag, 3 ticket stubs from a minor league baseball game, sun hat, small cup of applesauce, and 1/2 of one green crayon.  She expressed mortification that her giant she-purse was so full that the zipper split open at a soccer practice, and all of the other moms had clear view of the horror inside.

I didn't get the mortification for a couple of reasons. 

First, anyone else at a kid's soccer practice is probably carrying the same kind of load.  Who cares? 

Second, why try to jam it all into one place, rather than compartmentalize items by need, as I do?  And single dads?  I know that they don't carry mom-purses around.  They carry their wallets and personal items around in their pockets the same way non-dads do.  For the needs of their offspring, they carry around sports-totes, level of organization dependant on both the individual and the quality of the sports-tote.  You wouldn't ever find a dad spilling Cheerios and diapers out all over the counter at a drug store when trying to find their wallets to pay for "girl things". 

Sara tells me that her mom-purse contains baby wipes, diapers (1 per baby per hour), bottles, bibs, spare clothes, a couple of toys, and some rice cereal in Tupperware.  She clarified that she keeps separate bags for her own needs and for the twins'.  Which makes a lot of sense to me in light of the above.  She also pointed out that she has at least one baby strapped to her (a third bag) when walking out and about, because carrying her mom-tote and her regular purse doesn't leave any arm space for an infant.

This is what I was carrying:

Purse:

• wallet
• change purse (containing no change)
• 3 packets of fast food ketchup
• 1 business card case (containing no business cards but my gym and dance studio passes, my buy-10-get-1-free card for bikini waxes, and 1 70's pick-up card**)
• dark green eyeshadow from Halloween
• 4 pill bottles (prescription; 2 empty)
• travel size hand and body lotion
• passport
• 1 cinnamon candy
• deodorant***
• 1 pair of underwear***
• 2 tampons
• 1 concert ticket stub
• January Metro pass
• February Metro pass
• subway transfers/commuter train tickets dating back to July 2011 (one with a grocery list written on the back; strange:  I don't often buy groceries)
• movie ticket stub from A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas dated December 4, 2011
• Songs of Hawaii CD purchased at Starbucks
• loose change
• 1 subway token
• 1 Mac "Ruby Woo" lipstick
• tweezers
• 4 pens
• keys (which are secured to the inside of the purse, much in the way parents string their children's mittens inside of their coats to offset possible loss)
• the paper part of an empty gum package (with a daily itinerary for October 14 written on)
• ticket stub to American Idiot (wow.  just wow.  but for all the wrong reasons)
• 2 lighters
• receipts:    BMV Bookstore January 8, 2011 $48.97, grocery store January 23 $14.89, bank machine December 27 $200.00, BarBurrito November 2 $19.87 (which for some reason I've written "Gary Busey" on the back), Co-Op Cabs December 9 $12.50, and one with print completely worn away.

That was just the purse, mind you. A surprisingly petite (though dense) over-the-shoulder contraption.

Backpack:

• combination lock
• cosmetics bag containing razor, toothbrush, lip balm, eyeliner, foundation, mascara, sample size "It's Raining Men" body wash from Lush, 2 tampons
• 1 pair sneakers
• 1 pair flip flops
• 1 pair ballet shoes
• 5 t-shirts****
• 1 tank top
• 1 pair of leggings
• 2 pairs of socks
• 1 leg warmer
• 1 sports bra
• 5 pairs of underwear****
• orange juice bottle half-full of water
• 1 pack of gum (1 piece missing)
• antique cigarette case containing birthday candles (you would be shocked to learn how many times these come in handy for both planned and impromptu birthday parties)
• price tag from $80 Nike running pants
• unidentified lump of tin foil
• vanilla body spray
• receipt from Loblaw's dated October 22
• 1 hair elastic
• printout of piano sheet music for Jingle Bell Rock
• 8 plastic covers for disposable razors
• cheque book
• birth certificate (much crumpled - now in wallet)
• 9 loose birthday candles (2 broken)
• 2 pens
• 3 pay stubs (dated January 6, September 30 and August 19 - August 19 clearly exposed to water more than once, more of a pay-pulp than a pay-stub)
• 1 notebook
• the lid to a vitamin bottle
• some dust which may have once been vitamins
• cheque stub for my 3rd place prize in my work holiday party costume contest*****
• loose change
• empty bag once containing emergency rain poncho
• Notice of Intention to Appear re parking ticket dated September 6 (I have no car)
• 1 nose flute
• 4 packets of pepper
• headphones
• Post-It note with shopping list written on:  unicorn, fabric store for purple velvet, candy store, black lentils, Purple Rain, liquor store, and note-to-self reading "are open-toe pumps the preferred footwear of the rebellious youth of today??"
• 2 Starbuck's Pick of the Weeks
• 1 Bingo scratch n' win (is it a winner?  all of the "scratch" is worn away)
• 1 copy of the Bhagavad-gita (Krishna epistle given to me outside of the mall one day by someone who assured me that it would change my life)
• 1 smoke bomb (purchased last year when I tried to follow through on a plan to drop smoke bombs as a way to get out of awkward conversations - ie, wait for the first uncomfortable pause, drop smoke bomb, disappear, laugh maniacally.  they weren't quite as effective as hoped, but maybe I shouldn't have tested them in a minus15 degree wind)

 Coat Pockets:

• cell phone
• loose change
• 1 zombie finger puppet
• pack of gum (1 piece missing)
• iPod (no headphones)
• 1 lighter

But no napkins.  No tissues.  I would've accepted a crumpled, crispy, dusty, used Kleenex.  Nothing.

Wheels started turning.  The constant snorting up my nasal drip was not only grossing me out but increasing sore throat and headache symptoms.  I was reluctant to use the back of my hand and/or sleeve.  I saw a streetmeat vendor handy, but diving into the bottom of my purse did not produce enough loose change for a hotdog (napkin).  What did I have on hand that could be used to absorb some of this flow?

I won't tell you what I did.  I will, however, leave you with the following thought sequence:

• is it unsanitary to wipe your nose with a tampon?
• no, not at all, considering the intended destination.
• will anyone notice and/or be disgusted if they see me wiping my nose with a tampon?
• more importantly, do I care?
• if I unwrap it inconspicuously in my pocket, and then dab at each nostil nonchalantly, might anyone who did notice think that I was using a Nyquil eucalyptus inhaler?
• more importantly, do I care?

*lunch for work, change of clothes for overnight visits, alcohol for houseparties, etc.

**"If your answer is "no", please tell me before I spend $10 on drinks".  I started out with 10 last January.  Where are the other 9?

***I don't ordinarily carry deodorant and spare underwear in my purse.  These were specific to an overnighter last weekend when I (uncharacteristically) chose to pack only a couple of necessary items in my purse and leave the backpack at home for lack of need of anything else in it

****Underwear/t-shirt bonanza related to the fact that I am much better at adding than taking away.  Adding needed items for workouts in rush to pack back pack in mornings, without any thought to what might be in there already

*****we had a 1920's theme christmas party.  my 3rd place prize money offset about 1/2 what I spent on the costume, which included:  used 3-piece mens' suit, used wing-tip shoes, used fedora, fake moustache (from a theatre supply store, made from real human hair, and colour matched to my hair), fake blood (for fake bullet wounds), and fake tommy gun (which made real machine gun sounds).  Third place?  Third place?!?  My fake moustache was made of real human hair.  Grrr.