New Year's/Resolutions

It's a little late, maybe, but better late than never.

I made a number of New Year's resolutions this year, the main one being a non-specific, blanket resolution to start existing in a less chaotic, more responsible (at least more financially responsible) manner. Of course, there are an array of specific ways I plan to implement the lifestyle change. Some of them are already well underway, some of them not so much. And some of them yet to be identified, no doubt.

1. Not to take taxis to work anymore. It only shaves imaginary minutes off of my arrival time and it's a real piss-off to spend $14 to avoid being 5 minutes late for work and then be 5 minutes late anyway. Not doing very well at this one so far. Will start fresh on Monday. I mean tomorrow. No, I probably mean Monday.

2. Stop doing things like buying new socks or pants when I realize I've left home without clothes for the gym or dance class. Not doing so well at this one, either, in light of the fact that I went to the mall and bought some Nike running pants* on my lunch hour yesterday, so that I could go to the gym, on my lunch hour yesterday. I didn't realize they were $80** pants until I went to pay, and then it was too late. I'm not kicking myself too much over this one, though, because I'd been meaning to buy proper running pants (rather than leggings from Ardene) for quite awhile. And they're really nice pants. (May the Indonesian children who were paid 50 cents an hour to stitch them together forgive me. And may the executives who walked away with millions of dollars in salaries and bonuses on the strength of the 79.50 mark-up bite me).

2. Finish properly furnishing my apartment. Meaning, get a kitchen table so that my meals are not consumed sitting cross-legged on the kitchen floor. And get an actual bed, so that I'm not sleeping on a mattress on the floor like I did in first year. And second year. And third year. And fourth year***. Anyway, done and done.

3. Finish unpacking. It's 13 months since I moved into my apartment, after all. 13 months to finish unpacking is excessive. Until yesterday, I had a whole room referred to only as "hobo room", because I used it exclusively to pile odds and ends of possessions that 13 months later I hadn't decided where to put yet - boxes of random notebooks and papers stacked on top of each other, heaps of laundry that were occasionally washed but never put away, ever. A wheeled cart full of empties that I hid in there because having it out in the open was both unsightly and unflattering****. Etc.

Those of you familiar with hobo room may wonder why I specify that it only existed until yesterday. Wait for it... I cleaned and finished unpacking hobo room. Sort of. I unearthed many long-forgotten treasures in the process, including my nose flute, my punching rabbi hand puppet, some poetry that my friend Bill wrote for me in high school, and the empty coconut shells that I used to click together as Bill and I galloped down the hallways of good ol' Ursuline College "The Pines"*****.

After that, I was understandably distracted. Playing.

But I had motivation to clear up the room sort of forced upon me, which is related to the next part of my resolution,

4. Stop using a remote access wireless internet stick for at-home use and get a normal account like a normal person. Stick was very costly, especially considering how much time I spend watching 80's music videos on YouTube. Also the annoying interruptions in service I contended with when I forgot to pay the bill.

I would like to say with pride that I rectified the situation on the strength of my own resolve. I did not. The stick stopped working on me on January 2nd or 3rd - this is also why nearly two weeks have passed since my last post. I took it to the Bell store to see what could be done about the situation and walked out with an appointment to have a tech come to my apartment to install proper service. 100 GB for what I'm told is the bargain price of $32 per month, including tax. I have no idea what a GB'll get you, but I'm assured it's "lots". I can buy up an additional 40 GB for 5 bucks, too. Though, again, I don't know what that actually gets you.

At any rate, I had to clean up the room to uncover the required phone jack. And to avoid the embarrassment of having a stranger see how I live.

5. Stop doing things like handing over a 750 mL water bottle to Sara & co. and ask that they fill it up with liquor of their own choosing. For me to drink. Like I did on New Year's Eve, when I opted to double down on New Year's events, so that I could both go to a party with my friends, and make it out to the 'burbs in time to celebrate midnight with - a companion of mine. After a couple of games of beer pong, I balked at the prospect of sobering up on a commuter train. I've misplaced the e-mail itemizing everything that went into the bottle, but I remember that 6 or 7 shots of liquor were involved, including a quantity of cherry flavoured rum. Maybe I won't quit this altogether as a past-time, but in future, I will not follow through on any promises to drink it all while in transit. I faithfully drank it all over the course of my 35 minute ride (except for what I slopped on myself on road bumps). On arrival at second event, I was disappointed (and frankly, disgusted) to find that my companion's house guests were watching Underworld or something, with no intent on shutting it off. Midnight came and went with me listening to Outkast (Sorry Miz Jackson) on my iPod. I kind of blacked out after that, but apparently I punched my companion really hard on the sternum (for not being drunk enough), took off my pants, and went to sleep at about 12:30. When said companion attempted to molest me at about 12:45, I was star-fishing his bed, snoring slightly, and basically non-responsive.


*Did you know that proper running pants are put together with a specific patch of fabric to aerate the vagina? I do now.

**one of the bonuses to working in the private sector is the Christmas bonus, which hasn't quite run out yet.

***This has created a new problem. My sleeping arrangements are now almost too comfortable. I sleep so soundly that I have become immune (more immune) to the sound of my alarm clock. I dreamt straight through it for about 20 minutes yesterday morning, pleading with my cat to go shut it off, and being annoyed when he wouldn't. In the dream, I mean.

****I decided months ago that the effort of storing empty bottles and lugging them to the Beer Store to return was not worth the $5.60 it yielded and have just been recycling them. But still.

*****Coconut shells inspired by Monty Python's "Search for the Holy Grail" (of course) and the similarity in sound they have to the clopping of horses' hooves. I had really long hair in those days, and Bill would grab onto it pretending he was holding the reins and away we'd go to math class.