Now that I'm older, let me impart some of my hard-earned wisdom:
First:
Parenthood has not turned Chris or Sara into nicer people. Thank you for my birthday Motley Crue drinking cups.
For anyone who needs explanation:
1. I hate Motley Crue. Like, really HATE.
2. Since the cups were a gift, I'd feel bad about throwing them away, so I won't.
3. The plastic they're made of is likely indestructible, so I'll have them forever.
4. Every time I open my cupboard, from now until the time of my death, I will see them and experience a few seconds of rage.
I've been using one of them today, incidentally, and feel both angry and dirty, sort of like I'm being molested.
Fuck you guys.
Second:
Drinking shots is rarely a good idea, even if it is your birthday. I owe someone a punch in the face.